8 min read
It is well known that most people can’t seem to walk away from an abusive relationship or toxic ones, however, are they coping with it?
We all know that an abusive relationship or toxic ones is not something one can be proud of.
However, The sad truth is that, not all relationships are healthy and free from being an abusive or toxic kind of relationship.
Knowing the fact that some people just can’t consider their relationships as an easy one, only a few of that percentage can figure out sensible ways to deal with it.
The inability for you to resolve things or better still, try and cope with it could force your relationship to breakup, and even marriage to divorce.
The happiness from a healthy relationship seems to be absent, the freedom is not enjoyed, and letting go seems even harder.
You begin wonder, “what is actually happening, this is not what i planned for” and unending questions begins to troop in.
To walk you through on how to go about abusive relationship or toxic relationship, we shall look at crucial things to know about relationship first, before we get in.
These are actually things that when you can address them properly, then dealing with an abusive relationship or toxic one will be taken care of.
Ready? Let’s get started then…
Toxic relationship meaning / abusive relationship
A toxic relationship is a relationship that is considered as an unhealthy relationship that doesn’t meet standards to ensure a happy, peaceful and positive union.
An abusive relationship or toxic relationship doesn’t seem to be an easy union between you and partner.
In most cases, it just goes to point out that you and your partner are simply not compatible or finding it hard to understand each other.
Unfortunately, this results to your relationship being an unhealthy one, which becomes prone to abuses, disrespect, unloyalty and even hatred.
Sadly enough, it could even result to Spousal abuse and domestic violence in the relationship, if no effort is taken to put things in place.
Generally, relationship-wise, loving someone means an already established feeling of affection and care towards another person which the person returns same to you.
Being in love is deep feeling of affection you have towards someone that is not already established, and most times, the person is not aware of it and can’t return same.
As there are different thing that make one to be attracted to someone, those things that made you to be in love with someone has to be maintained to continue the love.
In that case, falling out of love with someone literary means losing those things that made you to be in love with the person.
Warning signs of a toxic relationship / abusive relationship
As an abusive relationship that is considered toxic continues to linger, the more it flashes signs of a toxic relationship.
However, you could be going through this for a long time, and funny enough, even you or partner won’t recognize what is going on, until it warrants a break up or divorce.
This is nothing short of been blinded by false love that neither you nor your partner could spot the signs.
The signs of toxic relationship you should watch out for includes :
- Lots of quarrels and arguments
- Verbal and physical abuses (directly or indirectly)
- Lots of lies
- Lack of assistance
- No comfortable accommodation
- No signs of appreciations
Falling out of love is very possible when cases of toxic relationship like this arises, because it holds enough gravity to cause it.
When a relationship begins initially, it usually has absense of these toxic signs, but then a taste of fate comes in, and if it’s not strong, the signs a relationship is over begins to show up.
They are nothing short of signs of a toxic relationship.
Those stages of love like chemistry, interest, commitment, sacrifice and union begins to fade away.
Then stages of break up like unattractive traits, distraction, unloyalty, betrayal and toxic traits begins to set in.
Ending toxic relationships
Because there is no such thing as being too much in love with someone, walking away from a toxic relationship is not impossible.
Although, it is a fact that people in toxic relationships still find it hard to end a toxic relationship.
However, when you finally do, it can be damaging to the heart, because it was a toxic relationship, the recovery will be tough.
For example, a broken heart from it can even result to one getting sick, well, that’s the degree of it’s damage for you.
On average, a broken heart can last for about 3 months plus, depending on the individual in person.
but a broken heart from a toxic relationship may double the average length of a usual breakup.
Nevertheless, to recover from a toxic relationship, try as much as possible to get someone that could help erase those memories from you.
People come and go, love comes and go, so know that you can stop loving someone, even if you think you truly loved them.
So, to stop loving someone means to clear away the memories you had with the person, and look for better replacement.
But i can’t tell you that it can be possible to let go off love, because it comes itself and goes itself.
But irrespective of all want a toxic relationship can cause, does it mean all hope is lost?
I don’t think so, and that’s why we shall look at the tips to dealing with abusive relationship and toxic relationship :
How to fix a toxic relationship / abusive relationship
Let’s explore and find out some helpful tips on how to tackle abusive relationship or toxic relationship :
1. Learn to get busy
If you understand very well that a busy mind is productive and positive, you will understand where am heading at.
Now, to make it more clear to you, the mind is like a paper floating on water. In that case, when you lay a hard object on it, it weighs down.
So, with this illustrations, the only way to keep your mind being light is to get busy.
However, by being busy, i don’t mean on the negative, don’t try it, that will only make things worse.
Focus on something you love doing, something you can learn or even something you do to pass time.
Don’t forget, the goal is to get your mind busy, and it can be achieved by getting busy.
On the other hand, the vital reason to get busy is to make sure your mood and temper is controlled and managed.
Also, it is proven that people don’t get to see room to start drama when you are busy doing something worthwhile.
2. Understand where he or she started from
Ideally, this should be the first thing to bear in mind before you start things with him or her.
Why so? This is because it will help you determine right from the scratch if it’s one you can cope with in the long run.
You already know that everyone comes from different homes, background and culture.
In that case, this is enough reason for you to be able to understand your partner more, so you can control how to flow.
Nonetheless, if you have failed at this at early time, make sure you don’t repeat the same mistake when things begins to go sideways.
Don’t beat yourself up anyway, the best you could do at that time is to understand where he or she started from.
Then with that, you should be able to figure out those loopholes and then you plan your strategies on how to deal with them.
Remember, you can’t find a solution to something if you don’t understand it. It’s an equation balance.
3. Set the right direction
Taking the right direction in relationships is key, but you can’t set the right direction of you don’t know where you are heading with your relationship.
If you can provide valuable answers to that, then setting the right direction becomes a whole lot easier.
If you can figure that out, this shows that you can set the right direction for your relationship.
Make sure you are doing the right things in the relationship.
If you really want to get things straight, you have to do that which is right first before the direction you can set becomes effective.
Doing the right things here is mandatory if you really care about the relationship and how things goes in it.
Now, the two questions : (1) “how do i know when i am doing the right things or not?”
(2) “even when i am doing the right things, how do i go about setting the right direction?”
If these are the questions you may have and you aren’t sure you are doing the right things, then a counselor will be useful here.
Once you are in contact with a counselor, you will be able find the right answers to either of those questions.
Then from the answers you get, begin to implement them strategically into the relationship.
4. Figure out the rights and wrongs
Similarly to the third point, except in this case you don’t tend to use it to set a direction in the relationship.
The real essence of figuring out the rights and the wrongs is not just on your own side, but on you and your partner.
This is a vital step to consider if you don’t want to be sentimental in your relationship with your partner.
In addition, if you don’t want to see only the good side of yours and only the flaws of your partner.
Understanding the rights and wrongs ensures you don’t pass the wrong judgment on the both of you.
Also, if you decided to get yourself a counselor, then this is when the involvement of a counselor will become more effective.
As long as you have decided not to be sentimental and stick with it, then this is a very good step to take.
Actually, this is what every relationship going through abusive relationship or toxic relationship should do.
5. Try to understand
At times, difficult relationships occurs because there is no proper understanding, and it goes to tell you how important it is.
If you know how to understand your partner, you will be able to tell those things your partner likes and dislikes.
By knowing such things about your partner, you will be able to utilize those things he or she likes.
Then those things he or she dislikes will serve as guidelines on things you should always avoid.
It is crucial you also understand your partner’s personality and emotions.
You want to make sure you don’t end up passing the wrong judgment concerning your partner’s emotions and personality.
If for example, your partner happens to be a friendly person, do you just pass wrong judgments on this?
probably, you let your emotions get the best of you and you can’t control it then you end up reacting.
Although, it is possible you can be in love with someone and cheat on them, but it just shows signs of unloyalty on your part.
Even though you can love two people at once, you can’t love the both of them equally, it can’t be possible.
Sometimes, people cheat just for what they actually think is for the fun of it or due to the level of infidelity in the relationship.
6. Get your partner to listen
No matter how you tend to understand your partner, if you can’t get he or she to listen, it will all seem like wasted efforts.
This brings us to the point where the importance of communication cannot be overlooked.
For sound communication to take place, there have to be presence of good listening from both partners.
Get your partner to listen in any way that is going to work for you and will be effective.
However, be mindful of how you go about with it so that don’t rather flair things up.
Trying to understand each other is a good place to start to make sure the process of handling things in the relationship will be a success.
Be careful and respect when your partner is not in the mood to talk.
Be cool with it and make sure you figure out when your partner is ready to talk.
Respect the fact that, no matter what you are trying to pass across to your partner, or to get somethings right, it is necessary he or she listens to it.
In that case, it is going to be of no use if you can’t try your best to ensure he or she listens to you.
As regards to the core meaning of toxic relationship and abusive relationship, you also suppose to know that it doesn’t guarantee a healthy relationship.
Despite it being an unhealthy relationship, it’s repercussions could lead to breakup or divorce.
So, it is important to recognize the warning signs that the relationship is a toxic one. Such warnings means a lot, no matter what.
Nevertheless, ending it may not be easy, considering the damage it could cause to the heart due to all the negative experiences.
But because it can be hard to let go doesn’t mean it can be hard to control, as long as you carry out the right steps, it should help matters.Let us connect: