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11 Characteristics of People Pleasers Mistaken For Being Cool

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5 min read

There are certain characteristics of people pleasers people mistake for being cool. In this article, you will get to know eleven of those characteristics.

Photo Credit: Pexels / Andrea Piacquadio

What if you were told that being friendly is slightly different from being cool and that it could be a pain to be overly friendly, sometimes?

There’s no doubt, being a friendly person is one of the best personality traits you can possess. It’s also a sort of miracle from you to others. It’s all good!

But here is the problem: You risk putting yourself in some unknown dangers when you’re overly friendly, and that makes you a people pleaser.

So, how about being cool? These people are lovers of mankind. As a result, they never come off as rude or annoying, but they’ve got their limits.

This helps them to stay clear from being people pleasers because they’re skilled at separating the friendly from the pleaser.

However, that doesn’t mean it’s not possible to be friendly and not being a people pleaser – you just need to be able to recognize when you’re going off-limit from being friendly to being a people pleaser.

In essence, you need to understand those characteristics of people pleasers to help you with that.

Knowing these characteristics of people pleasers will help you discover some things you never thought are making overly friendly.

So let’s quickly see what those characteristics are.

11 Characteristics of People Pleasers People Mistake For Being Cool

Below are the characteristics of people pleasers people mistake for being cool.

1. Struggles to say NO

Saying NO isn’t as bad as some people always think. In fact, most times, this is people’s best defensive tool. Everyone definitely needs it.

People can always be a good person with a kind heart and still say NO.

People pleasers still struggle to say NO, whereas this should be something people have to boldly say when they are not comfortable saying YES.

If people always say YES just to favor another person – even when it displeases them, then it’s not a good one.

A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself if you’re being fair to yourself by pleasing another person and displeasing yourself.

2. Fearing negative emotions

People pleasers are good examples of those who fear negative emotions from others.

Of course, we should always care about other people’s emotions but not when those people in return barely care about our own emotions.

It’s important to know that deceitful people often use this as a medium when they want to play a fast one on other people. So people will need to be cautious about this one, too.

Do you give in too easily to threats of negative emotions from others? That could be a sign.

3. Excessive philanthropist

When philanthropist acts, they always have one thing at the back of their mind: “I want to promote the welfare of others with what I have.”

Excessive philanthropist, on the other hand, means giving more than what he or she actually has to offer at his or her own risk.

What people will need to take note of here is that they are already way better than the majority who don’t possess this trait, so all they have to do is to just set limits.

People pleasers usually don’t consider this, especially when they’re been confronted for assistance.

4. Suffering at people’s expense

People pleasers also tend to mistake suffering at people’s expense for being helpful.

While it’s good to be helpful to others, if one goes to the extent of giving up their comfort and suffering at people’s expense, then the person may be overdoing it.

They can and should be able to understand the situation on board, especially when the person has explained himself or herself.

So, people should definitely still remember to still have some respect for their kindness.

5. Poor sense of inter-boundaries

People pleasers also don’t know how to shut everything up when they are given a reason not to be nice.

A person of strong inter-boundary knows when and how to set boundaries, no matter what or who is involved.

People who aren’t people pleaser always mean what you say or do, and do it with full assurance that that are trying to save themselves from something they’ll regret.

People pleasers need to always set boundaries, as they don’t want to leave themselves exposed to certain dangers.

Read also: 8 unknown risky sides of being a people pleaser

6. Emotionally dependent

The desire for people or things to make one emotionally stable is another characteristic of people pleasers.

While people pleasers may think this is cool, they also need to understand that they at risk of depending a lot on other people to make themselves happy.

This could also put them at risk of giving in to whatever those advantage seekers come with without you considering what the effects of their decision could lead to.

7. Addicted to approval from others

It’s a good act to value taking permission from others, but sometimes, somethings don’t call for approval.

This is something that people pleasers have failed to understand, despite how clear it may seem to them that it’s okay to carry on.

If someone knows what he or she wants to do is the right thing to do, the person should go ahead and do it. The person has no one to answer to.

9. Much desire to be liked

As good as it may seem to be liked by others, unfortunately, not everyone is going to like you.

It’s important to know that haters are proof that someone is doing something right. They should pass subtle hints that the person is in the game.

On the other hand, trying to get your haters to like you will only cause damage to your self-esteem, and force you into doing certain things wrongly.

However, people pleasers are yet to understand this, so they keep caring where they shouldn’t.

9. Feels shattered by criticism

Seriously? Do people think they can please everyone? How possible could that be?

It can be said over and over again that no matter what someone does, there will always be some people out there who will still criticize the person.

People pleasers get shattered by criticism as they fail to understand this fact and beating themselves up.

Because of that, they won’t be able to grow effectively if they let the criticism get to them.

10. Acts based on other people’s goodness

This is something that people pleasers always find themselves doing. They let the goodness of others determine how they should act.

This puts them at the position of not doing what their heart tells them to do.

They jump into action not minding if the said good deed was a genuine one, to begin with. This often makes them victims of being played.

11. Blindly believes in other people’s goodness

Finally, similar to acting based on other people’s goodness, people pleasers blindly believes in other people’s goodness.

Except, in this case, they believe blindly in other people’s goodness without focusing on looking at the bigger picture.

Sadly, most of the good deed they believe comes with an inferior motive. It is best to say that they should be mindful of how they consider people’s goodness.

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